Real or Fake - Know your Friends !

 How to identify fake friends 

There must have been such a friend in your life who has betrayed you later . When you first met him , you must have found him very kind . Even at a point , you would have considered him / her your bestfriend . But then one fine day you got to know that he took advantage of you . He was just being nice to you for his / her purpose . Either he revealed all your secrets or he rat out you . You felt cheated / disheartened . 

It is very difficult to identify such toxic person . Maybe the person being too nice to you turns to be the snake sleeves . And you won't know him / her until you are being cheated . And by the time you get to know he / she is the toxic person you will be in loss . 

So in this article we'll know how many types of toxic people are there . And how can you recognise them in the early stages . 

Though there are so many traits of toxic people but we can't talk about them in a single article , so I will be sharing 5 main traits of such people . 

Now when we are going to know about toxic people , it is quite possible that some of these traits are inside you too . So read the article carefully and try to know wheather you yourself are hurting others in your life or not . 

So let's begin.....

1) Narcissism 

Narcissism means self obsession . Narciss people love themselves too much and consider themselves the hero of a movie . They never admit their mistake . They feel that whatever they are doing is absolutely right . There are many supporting characters with the hero in a movie who help the hero to reach his goals . Similarly , a narcissist sees people as supporting characters in his movie . He uses those people as tools to accomplish his goals . And he has no regrets about it . He never hold back from manipulating blackmailing or hurting others to get his work done because narcissist people consider themselves to be perfect . They never accept of being this . Take a boy for example , who chases a girl everyday after college . He follows her to her house and tution classes . He has proposed her many times . And even after the girl denied him , he is not giving up on her . He keeps asking his friends for his number and Instagram I'd . Even after the girl blocks , he continues to follow her with other numbers . It's a sociopathic behaviour that the boy isn't seeing because of his actions the girl is in trouble . He doesn't care about her emotions . All he needs is that he can get that girl by any means , so that his emotion can be satisfied . He is using the girl's friend to be his supporting actor . Narcissist people can be very charming , they talk very sweetly . It's is quite possible that the girls agrees to his sweet talks but after sometime she'll realise that the boys loves himself only . 

2) Entitlement 

Entitled people feel that the world is under their debt so everyone should help them . For example take a 25 year old boy who is asking for a new smart phone from his father . His father tells him that he is 25 years old and he should earn on his own and buy a phone . On this , the boy gets angry and stops talking to his father . Does not eat food properly and keeps hanging around the whole weak . Entitled people do the same thing to their friends . As long as you keep helping them . You will not see any negative in them . But as soon as you refuse them they will start throwing tantrums like this . Now try to observe that when the demand of your friends is not fulfilled , how do they behave ?

Do they understand this that you are not his servant ? You have life of your own and you want to put your money , efforts and time behind your goals . 

Or they get angry about the fact that you are not helping them and he start talking to you with a crooked face . And not only from you , you also notice how your friend behaves when some other friend stops helping him . It also tells wheather your friend considers himself entitled or not . 

3) Victim Mindset

People with victim mindset are always complaining about others . Every problem in their life is due to the fault of another person . When you meet them you will have a sympathetic feel for them . You will feel that man this is actually a tortured soul and whatever has happened to them no human deserves it . But with time you wil realise that they really want a lot of attention . In gathering sympathy from the people by listening to their sad story , they enjoy a lot . The problem is that people with the victim mindset never take responsibility for their life . They see themselves as hanging in the gym like a punching bag that was just hanging at one place , who was not doing anything to anyone and then few people came and went away throwing punches at them . If you stay with these victim mindset people for a long time you'll realise that there's a lot of flaws in them . One day because of some reason there will be a fight and then these people , going to someone else , will tell their story of how you hurted them without any reason . Even though it was not your fault in this but they'll show others that you are a giant , who took advantage of them . 

But there can be other case as well . You can toatlly disagree with me in such cases where a guy is really a victim . Maybe he is not doing this work for attention but he is really depressed because of too much trouble by the problems of the life . In such a situation it would be a very insensitive thing to call him an attention seeker . There's a way to identify these people . Next time when they will tell you their sad tales or complain about any person then just ask some simple questions - DO YOU THINK YOU MUST HAVE MADE SOME MISTAKE IN THIS ? Are you doing anything to solve this problem ? Can you tell me about a person whom you have hurted and because of this you had a fight with him ? 

If he gives a satisfactory answer to this then understand that he is a good person , who are just sharing their problem with you . If after these questions of yours , they start complaining more to other people then understand this is a red sign . He is a man with victim mindset . You should stay further away from him . 

4) Love bombing

If you are a hurtful , toxic and negative person then no one will love you . You get love on conditions , specially from outsiders . If you'll help , you'll get help . If you will share , people will share with you . If you will respect , others will respect you . Every thing is based on a condition . But these conditions are too extreme for a love bomber . In Love bombing as long as you keep doing things according to the others , till then the bombs of love will continue to explode on you but the moment you do things they don't like he will stop exploding his love to you . He won't even talk to you nicely , will taunt you and stop spending time with you . In this way , as soon as you go against his will and do something he / she will start giving you punishment . Then as soon as you start doing of his want . He will again start blasting love bombs on you . The only difference between LOVE BOMBING and ENTITLED is that when you help the entitled people they don't show love to you like this because they feel that it is right that you are helping them . Love bombing is more of a toxic trait . It is difficult to recognise it . When someone is doing so many efforts for you it is difficult to doubt him and when that person stops making efforts for you so you kind of go crazy . His attention becomes a drug for you . You are ready to do anything to get it . Just like drugs these people are very difficult to quit because they keep making you special from time to time . To identify such people in life , start taking some descisions that your partner doesn't approves and then notice his/her behaviour . 

5) Gaslighting

Gaslighting means to mislead . In this the person confuses you . You cannot trust your own feelings and emotions . If in any relationship you are feeling like guilt , shame or embarassment with a confusion so there are chances that you are being Gaslighted . Gaslighters make you feel that you are crazy and cannot trust your feelings and your thoughts . For example if you go to such people and say that you said some mean words to me yesterday , you should apologise for that and in reply that person says I said those words because you did the same to me once . Meaning it was your fault that enraged me to say such word so you should apologise to me . These people manipulate things . If you ask them to meet at 9 o'clock and they will be 1 hr late , so they will remind you that it was not about 9 o'clock , it was about meeting at 10 o' clock . They will say this with such confidence that you will start doubting yourself . When in any relationship you repeatedly doubt your own feelings and thoughts so you are being Gaslighted .

 So these were the traits of toxic people . Do you have any of these toxic traits inside you ? Have you ever cheated somebody to get your work done by others ? If yes then change yourself !

Happy Learnings 🙌